• "It's funny how making odd noises can get you into strange situations sometimes." - Eric San Tweet
• "It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes." - Jay London Tweet
• "I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap." - Rodney Dangerfield Tweet
• "If you want to be thought a liar, always tell the truth." - Logan P. Smith Tweet
• "I also think if you're an actor and you can improvise, when you go on an audition and you can improvise you're just a genius. If you can, you know, take a Tide commercial and you can just say one funny line that's not in the commercial they think you're a genius." - Amy Poehler Tweet
• "We all know funny people who can't get it down on the page - even funny writers who can't get it down on the page." - Calvin Trillin Tweet
• "We've seen some insane signs: 'Is that a loaf of bread in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?' Funny stuff along those lines. Very original. One just said, 'I will do unspeakable things.' I thought that was very interesting - and mildly terrifying!" - Josh Hutcherson Tweet
• "I think it's actually a misperception that I am a comedic actress. I do more drama than comedy but very little of it has been seen. When you are in big funny movies and they do well and your little part in it kind of explodes people perceive you as a comedian." - Octavia Spencer Tweet
• "People say that life is the thing, but I prefer reading." - Logan P. Smith Tweet
• "Jon Stewart is exactly the same guy he's always been, only with money. He knows that the moment he really believes he's important, the funny goes away and he becomes Bill O'Reilly, except shorter and Jewish." - Denis Leary Tweet