• "I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do." - Will Rogers Tweet
• "Never fight an inanimate object." - P. J. O'Rourke Tweet
• "Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else." - Will Rogers Tweet
• "Before I refuse to take your questions, I have an opening statement." - Ronald Reagan Tweet
• "Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny - Did you ever try buying then without money?" - Ogden Nash Tweet
• "It's so funny looking back, but my so-called overnight success actually took 15 years. I remember when I didn't have any money, and my only car was mom's Hyundai." - Criss Angel Tweet
• "My main point is to be funny if I can slip a message in there, fine." - Flip Wilson Tweet
• "Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public." - H. L. Mencken Tweet
• "Progress was all right. Only it went on too long." - James Thurber Tweet
• "I'm not funny. People assume that because my books are funny, I'll be funny in real life. It's the inevitable disappointment of meeting me." - Jonathan Safran Foer Tweet