• "I used to say, 'Man, I think I'd be a really good dad. I'll be a great provider. I'm funny I'll go on trips with them - I'll do all sorts of stuff.' But the momming? I'm not made for that. I have a really good mom I know what she put into it." - Elizabeth Gilbert Tweet
• "I want to be in 'Funny Girl.' And I want Ryan Murphy to direct it." - Lea Michele Tweet
• "Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected." - Robert Orben Tweet
• "If you are a great dramatic actor then you often don't know if people are enjoying your stuff at all because they are sitting there in silence. But with comedy it's a simple premise. If it's funny, people laugh. If it's not, they don't." - Steve Coogan Tweet
• "Never fight an inanimate object." - P. J. O'Rourke Tweet
• "I tend to head for what's amusing because a lot of things aren't happy. But usually you can find a funny side to practically anything." - Maggie Smith Tweet
• "Comedy clubs can be brutal. Those people are for real, and if you aren't funny, they aren't laughing. They don't care who you are." - Marlon Wayans Tweet
• "It is funny the two things most men are proudest of is the thing that any man can do and doing does in the same way, that is being drunk and being the father of their son." - Gertrude Stein Tweet
• "It's not common for a woman on television, especially if she's the mom of the family, to be funny. She's usually a straight man or foil." - Martha Plimpton Tweet
• "Inappropriateness is funny to me. Rudeness is hilarious." - Zach Galifianakis Tweet